Sweet Delusions
by Anne Herbold
Summary: Conrad put his head in his hands and whimpered, Just face it, Conrad! You'll never get laid! He began to sob...loudly. GRILLOWS! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ! ONESHOT!


**Author's Note: I had this fantabulous idea come up to me one day, and I thought I should probably write it down. It's in Ecklie's POV, and yes, it's a little warped. I hope you enjoy it for all of its sillyness. GRILLOWS ALERT! So if you don't likey, don't read it, sillies! Please Read and Review.**

**Rated K + for a teensy bit of swearing, and some violence, but I think you guys can handle it, right?**

**Disclaimer: CSI is not mine, nor is any quotes from "The Princess Bride" or the same old priest in the same movie. Also, I'll NEVER NEVER own anything that remotely resembles something from the 1970s or clothes that belong to Ron Burgandy. Read and Review please!**

Sweet Delusions

Saint Bella-Maria's Catholic Church stood tall amongst the Vegas casinos, it's gleaming granite walls shone in the sun as dozens of people walked into its doors. The inside of the complex was incredibly spacious and the bleach-white walls were adorned with tacky pastel and neon depictions of the life and death of Christ. The soprano the groom hired stood behind the pulpit, screeching Ave Maria.

The rows of pine-wood benches were filled with friends and relatives of the bride and grooms; most of these sitting were fellow co-workers. Conrad Ecklie just happened to be one of them. He was situated at the front right bench with the bride and groom's other co-workers. No matter how hard he had tried, Conrad kept squirming in his seat, beads of sweat rolled down his balding head; he just couldn't grasp the fact of what was taking place today. All that he had worked hard for had been stomped upon by a lesser individual.

This man who had wantonly destroyed Conrad's dreams and hopes, was to him, deserving of the death penalty. In fact, if he had his way with the bastard, he would beat the living crap out of him with a spiked club.

"Speak of the devil..." he mumbled under his breath, his fists clenched and his knuckles white. Marching up the aisle was the groom himself, Gil Grissom, followed by his graveshift cronies, Stokes, Brown, and Sanders. These groomsmen dressed in pastel leisure suits; Sanders in a spring green, Brown is robin's egg blue, but Stokes...his was the worst of the trio...lilac. Lilac! Conrad felt bile coming up, but restrained himself, he did not want to ruin his own suit.

The Groom's own suit was by far the ugliest, having looked like that of a certain newsanchor from the seventies, in his sapphire dress pants, dinner jacket and fire engine red turtleneck.

"Why God? Why do you punish me on such a day? Why not strike me blind? 'Twould be most merciful!" he cried aloud, but no really gave a damn what he thought; he was just their annoying boss.

Somehow, out of the blue, a ray of shimmering hope glanced upon him, as the soprano stopped singing, and the bridal march started playing.

He looked to the aisle once again; the bride in a white lacy gown and stilletto heels, marched down that aisle in all her sparkly glory. She walked over to the Groom and took his hand, both facing the old decripit priest.

The priest gurgled and cleared his throat, with bible in hand he began nice and warbly, "Wuv, twoo wuv, that wasts fohevaaahh! Do you Gilboyt Pohsnikity Gwissom take Cathwine Ewizzabeth Wiwwows to be yoh bewoved wife, to have and to howd foh as wong as you both shaw weve?"

"I do!"

The priest turned to the glowing bride, " And do you, Cathwine Ewizzabeth Wiwwows, take Gilboyt Pohsnikity Gwissom to be yoh bewoved husband foh as wong as you both shaw weve?"

"I...I.." her face scrunched in doubt, "Well, I ..."

Conrad couldn't take it anymore, he burst from the bench, pushing all others out of his way, "Move, Inferior beings, move! Noooooooooooo! Catherine don't do it!" he sucker-punched the old priest in the face.

"Connie, " the bride's eyes were full of admiration and love for him, "What are you doing?"

"Stopping you from marrying Ron Burgandy's uncle, that's what! Catherine, " he grabbed her hand away from Grissom's, and held it softly in his, "My love, let us be rid of this crowd and run off into the Las Vegan sunset of dreams together!"

"Yes," she beamed at him, "Yes, my dearest, Connie, we shall" hand in hand they skipped merrily into the Vegas sunset of dreams and giggled all the way to wherever they were headed.

**xxxx**

"Conrad? Conrad, wake up!" Ecklie woke startled from the bench,

"Huh?" his eyes dreamy with unrequited love.

The sheriff looked disgustedly at him, "God you're so gross, Conrad."

"Uh..."

"Get your head offa my shoulder; I'm covered in your drool!"

"Oh...sorry." he started wiping the drool off with his his shirt sleeve, " Has the wedding started yet?"

"They're just about ready to say their vows." the sheriff grunted.

He looked over to the aisle; Grissom was dressed rather suavely in a black tux, as was his groomsmen, Stokes, Sanders, and Brown. Catherine's hands were in his as she beamed soulfully into his eyes. Dressed like that of a faerie in white, the very sight of her made Conrad want to squeal with delight--the author rhymed! Yay!--

"Conrad..." the sheriff grumbled...again.

"Yes, sir?"

"If you don't stop erotically rubbing my knee, I will fire your ass."

He blushed, "Yes, sir."

The priest, bible in hands, spoke to the lucky couple, "Do you, Gilbert James Grissom, take Catherine Elizabeth Willows as your lawfully wedded wife, for as long as you both shall live?"

Gil smiled at his bride, "I do. Always, I do."

"And do you, Catherine Elizabeth Willows, take Gilbert James Grissom as your lawfully wedded husband, for as long as you both shall live?"

Catherine squealed with absolute delight, "You bet I do!"

"I now pronounce you husband and wife; you may now kiss your bride, Gil."

Gilbert Grissom took his bride into his arms and kissed her.

The sheriff swooned and whispered in his companions ears, " Ah, Wuv, twoo wuv, that wasts fohevaaahh! Don't you think those two are made for eachother, Con?"

Conrad put his head in his hands and whimpered, "Just face it, Conrad! You'll never get laid!" He began to sob...loudly.

The sheriff patted his shoulder, "Now, don't you worry, son. The bug-man may be taken, but there's always Hodges."

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_Go Grillows! Hee hee hee! hoped you enjoyed it. See that button over on the left hand corner that says "Submit Review" , you should press it and give me a review, cuz yeah...i like imput ! Cya laterz, kind readers...and reviewers!_


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